This is an area in which people with BPD struggle intensely.
We usually have a train wreck of relationships, broken marriages, unsuitable, unavailable partners, and also more prone to being hooked in by controlling, narcissistic or dependent partners.
Many factors ensure maximum chaos and destruction in a BPD relationship.
*Out of control emotions
These can push people away when we become obsessively jealous, have fire fueled rages, deep depression, low self esteem, pschosis or overwhelming with all our love
Adoration and devaluation when doubt creeps in our mind. From all consuming love to cold apathy in seconds.
*Paranoia of abandonment
Jealousy, excessive texts, calls, out of control emotions, psychosis, to the extreme of stalking, accusations etc
*To fill the emptiness inside
This is why we can be more prone to falling for other cluster B personality disorders, narcistics, controlling, manipulative people.
We need to feel wanted, huge amounts of love to stop the paranoia and emotiness. We tend to overlook all faults to maintain our “fairy tale love” fantasy.
The alternative seems too scary.
*Self harm, suicidal thoughts;
This is very very hard for us to deal with and we understand it ( kinda)
To people with no knowledge this is scary and can send people running or end up with a malignant or equally as “damaged” person. Either is no good for us.
Sometimes we may or may not cheat.
We may do things without thinking, reckless behaviour, live for the moment.
I will do another post on how to have a healthy relationship. It’s extra hard as many of us don’t know what normal is.
In brief these things will help;
*having our own lives, activities to be happy in ourselves.
*recognising red flags to bad relationships.