Borderline Love

This is an area in which people with BPD struggle intensely. 

We usually have a train wreck of relationships, broken marriages, unsuitable, unavailable partners, and also more prone to being hooked in by controlling, narcissistic or dependent partners.  

Many factors ensure maximum chaos and destruction in a BPD relationship. 

*Out of control emotions

These can push people away when we become obsessively jealous, have fire fueled rages, deep depression, low self esteem, pschosis or overwhelming with all our love

*Push Pull

Adoration and devaluation when doubt creeps in our mind. From all consuming love to cold apathy in seconds. 

*Paranoia of abandonment  

Jealousy, excessive texts, calls, out of control emotions, psychosis, to the extreme of stalking, accusations etc

*To fill the emptiness inside

This is why we can be more prone to falling for other cluster B personality disorders, narcistics, controlling, manipulative people.

We need to feel wanted, huge amounts of love to stop the paranoia and emotiness. We tend to overlook all faults to maintain our “fairy tale love” fantasy.

The alternative seems too scary.

*Self harm, suicidal thoughts;

This is very very hard for us to deal with and we understand it ( kinda)

To people with no knowledge this is scary and can send people running or end up with a malignant or equally as “damaged” person. Either is no good for us. 

*Impulsiveness- sex

Sometimes we may or may not cheat. 

We may do things without thinking, reckless behaviour, live for the moment.

I will do another post on how to have a healthy relationship. It’s extra hard as many of us don’t know what normal is.  

In brief these things will help;



*having our own lives, activities to be happy in ourselves. 

*recognising red flags to bad relationships.

Reality that’s not Reality+ control

I know who I was this morning but I have changed several times since then- Alice

Our perception of reality and moods can change quickly, plus changing persinalities to please different people leads us into the question…. Who am I? What is my identity?

We question what we believe as paranoia can distort reality as can depression, mania, stress etc

Again, cbt teaches us to use facts if we are unsure.  I write the facts against my “instincts” to see if it is really likely or if it’s paranoia

I find a lot of my paranoia has come from my past. I had two long term controlling relationships.

One with a nasty, sociopathic like guy for 9 years who was obviousky controlling. No one liked him.

He was abusive, beat me down until I hid all my emotions and was a shell.

Next was a guy I thought was totally different, he had none of the red flags the first one did.

But he was equally as damaging emotionally as he played the victim controller.

No violence or overt manipulation. Was all done as if it was real and my opinion of myself plummeted into hate, disgust and I was an evil bitch

This has left scars. Paranoia of men, getting into another controlling relationship. I think all men will do the same. I push away normal as I don’t get normal. What is it?

I pull as I desperately need love then I push so they can’t hurt me.

More on red flags on controlling men and women soon

The Crap people say about BPD

Borderline bitchIMG_4857

Just google “borderline personality disorder” and a wealth of opinionated sites and forums comes up within the factual sites.
“My borderline bitch ex girlfriend made my life hell”
“Devil borderline woman”
And even “borderline disorder is made up by manipulative women to excuse their appalling behaviour.”
Along with depictions of Bpd in the media such as Glenn Close Bunny boiler, violent, obsessed woman in fatal attraction and other such unstable women.
Linked with with several serial killers and notorious celebrities it is no wonder this personality disorder has such negativity and ignorance around it
First off there are several other personality disorders which have manipulation, control, obsession and violence more marked than BPD.
Many mental illnesses can cause similar behaviour.
Sociopaths, narcissist, anti social personality disorder, bipolar extremes, depression, schizophrenia and many others can all exhibit the same behaviours.

Continue reading “The Crap people say about BPD”