Differences with Bipolar +Borderline personality Disorder

These two severe mental illnesses have very similar symptons at first look, and can be hard to define between them.  

This can provide confusion at diagnosis and maybe effect recovery time.  A  chunk of people, even those with bipolar can be snobby about BPD, or the thought they may be disgnoses with BPD. 

This is down to ignorance on what this illness is really about. I get tired explaining and re-explaining it on mental health messege boards. 

Don’t slag off something or undervalue it because you know bugger all about it! Ignorance is not an excuse!! Lol ok

Bear in mind someone with either Illness is more likely to also have the other one!!! So symptons could be getting all mixed up anyway.

( these aren’t in every case of BP+BPD)

BPD and BP similarities 

  1. Same medical treatment. An antidepressant, mood stabiliser and anti psychotic can be used in both. Along with sedatives and sleepers. (Addictive addictive!!)
  2. Dramatic mood swings
  3. Extreme mania- pschosis, inpulsivity, sexual recklessness, reckless behaviour. 
  4. Paranoia, paranoid delusions. Hallucinations. Strange ideas and behaviour. Rage, anxiety, panic etc
  5. Severe depression, suicidal thoughts, suicide. 
  6. Self harm
  7. Self medicating /addictions
  8. Unstable sense of identity/self 
  9. Long periods of time in either mood extreme 


  1. Mood swings with BPD can also be caused by enotions and will be a lot faster swings than BP.
  2. BPD is nurture and nature pretty much in all cases, so a good therapy when stable can help in some areas too. 
  3. BPd has parts brain  that controls emotions and reactions and memories working wonky ( see nature/nature) blog 
  4. Hugely emotion led, out of control emotions with little or no regulation.  Inpulsivity and reckless behaviour is usually a reaction to emotional impulses and not a consious thought…. Leading to poor memory and danger. 
  5. Malignant behaviour ( without meaning too) on the quest to feel better emotionally. Can lead to very little regard for others; manipulation, playing games etc to get the emotion we are compelled to get. 
  6. Emptiness inside and unstable self image. Who am I??? Result of being a chameleon as defense for so many years. 
  7. Fear abondonment, lonliness, will either try everything to prevent it, or cut people out. 
  8. Super shit at relationships. Either choose and linger with harmful people or self sabotage any 

 Also – inpulsivity/behaviours /swings tend to occur all time in BPD as its part of our normal self. Sometimes with BP they may get a period of “normality” but for BPD all those things are our normality. 

Both illnesses can crossover as can personality traits, it’s the amount of signs that usually defines diagnosis. 

One of the clearest meant to be mood length. 

This is confused as severe depression can be co morbid with BPD so you can stay in that mood for a long long time ( my record was 6 months)

Which further confuses the issue of its BP or BPD or both!!

At the end of a day, a diagnosis in either one is fine as long as your symotons are being dealt with. 

BPD may tend to have more malignant behavioural issues which have been learnt, that’s why talking therapy ( not listening based counselling ) is another important factor for recovery once you are stable enough. 

Will go through more physiological stuff on another post x


Depression + sleeping beauty syndrome

I’m your hell, I’m your dream, I’m nothing inbetween….

This syndrome, where a sufferer sleeps up to 22 hours a day and is very child like when awake, does sound like my excessive sleeping when in a depressive mood. 

Though I ain’t no sleeping Beauty, I snore too much 😉

Been asleep or in bed last 4 days now. Need to get up and move! I’m going out today, first time in over 10 days, to shops.

Sad when social life consists of shops with mum!!!

The “exhaustion” ain’t so bad today, so I need try find my Va Va Voom. It’s lost!!!

Therapist tommorow, a bit anxious bout that like I always am eek xxx

Read an interesting article on bipolar blackouts, how we forgot memories and get blank spots, also on “tripolar”

Will write bout these later x

Hope everyone else doing good xxx

low mood today 

Today has not been great. Too much time on my own, in my own head.

Lack of energy and huge doses apathy left me in bed without enough energy to even make food. 

I recently increased my mood stabiliser dose lamotragine to 200 mg maybe it’s that,

Maybe is cos 99% of my friends are online.

Social interaction is minimal.

I miss working, having a purpose and actually enjoying being at home, but I worked too much, it became an obsession and left me no home life.

It’s taken a long time and I’m still trying to find “me” feel better And work out what to do in life. 

Anxiety kicked in earlier so I had to take my extra tablets, but now I’ve run out arghh not sure if GP will give us more. 

But moods pass, this will pass, I will find an a occupation im just not sure what yet.

Good Or Evil. BPD – Splitting

It would be so nice if something made sense for a change – Alice

Forgive me if not everything is entirely accurate, I am still learning. These blogs are just my own opinions and experiences. 

Borderlines have a fair few cognitive distortions ( see the post – mini CBT lesson)

But one notorious one for us is “black and white thinking”

This is where We see people as either being Good or bad. Events as good or bad.  Within that there is a process known as Splitting.

We can do this to seperate a person into two. Eg of a parent. 

One view of the parent will be fantasy style wonderful with no flaws, the other evil and dark. 

This is shown by imagery in many many many films.

The good guy, the bad guy. The good witch, the evil witch. The good queen the evil queen. 

There is never a guy who is ” mostly good but also a bit naughty sometimes “

Within romantic relationships we can switch from seeing the partner as good to evil.

When good, we idolise them, they are perfect and have no flaws. We don’t see any malignant behaviour.

Then when something happens to trigger our negative emotions they flick to the bad guy.  This is when we exhibit the push pull behaviour. Push away when bad, lose feelings, detest. The pull in again when good. Over and over. Very confusing!

We see every flaw magnified, imagine flawS, paranoia, they are the devil incarnate.

It’s hard to learn to get a middle ground. When someone makes a mistake  our perfect view of them is shattered and they become bad.

We apply it to ourselves as well. 

My feelings are either good or bad. Very seldom do I have middle feelings.

Obviously our own understanding of good and bad comes from our upbringing and life experiences. 

There’s also splicing &Projection but more on those later. 

Borderline – nature or nurture?

I can’t explain myself sir, I’m afraid. Because  I’m not myself you see – Alice

This is where I’m looking into whether borderline is something we are born with or it’s all due to childhood, environmental factors, abuse and events. 

Also in response to some sites that claim “BPD isn’t even an illness. We make it up for attention and are like kids lashing out using BPD as an excuse. ” sigh. Ok. 

For nature 

If you have a direct relative with a mental illness especially ; bipolar, BPD, schizophrenia, autism spectrum or depression you have a 17% -25% change of having any of those mental illnesses.  Now I think personally the percentage is a lot higher, but more on that in another post. 

Also Brain scans have been done on “normal people” people with BPD and other mental conditions. BPD has these differences;

  • Hippocampus tends to be smaller ( the same in PTSD)         This is located in the temporal lobe, the part that sorts out memory. The hippocampus helos control : inhibitions, space and memory.  I assume it means we have less of each as its smaller.
  • Amygdala; tends to be more active in BPD.     This part generates emotions, emotional learning and memories about emotions.  
  • Prefrontal cortex is less active. Especially when recalling memories such as abondanment, effects parts of personality, social behaviour, emotional expression and decision making. So I guess we ain’t as good at those lol
  • Hyperthalamic-pituirity adrenal Axis;  ( try saying that when drunk)  this part releases cortisol, which effects our response to stress. We have a hyperactive axis so release more cortisol which makes our responses far more extreme. 

Makes sense doesn’t it. We can’t regulate our enotions and feel extremes at inproportionate events. ( basically)

Also add in reduced serotonin etc for depression, our brains ain’t normal and need medication to help become more normal. Though I doubt ever be fully “normal”

We can’t help any of these things, our brains are wonky donkey, and results come out in all kinda ways.

For nurture 

There is a high level of childhood or later abuse within BPD sufferers neglect and such events while young actually causes part of the brain to develop wrong! Emotionally stunting us in that area.

Stress brings out the worse enotions, panic attacks anxitety, paranoia so stressful life events are going to effect us negatively for a longer time

Neglect, maladaptive parenting or growing up too young can all effect our emotional development and leave a longing to fulfil the sense of abondanment with whatever we perceive we missed.

Later life events like abusive relationships result in us learning toxic behaviours to escape from our emotions and people please to avoid the stress. This can stay with us and repeat itself over and over in other relationships or interactions.  

All these negative feelings lead us to keep feeling the negative emotions long after an event, and leave us acting impulsively to make us feel better.

Impulsiveness can be in many forms and we will do whatever we can to escape our emotions;

  1. Spending money/ excessive shopping /debt
  2. Strange business ideas/plans/groups 
  3. Reckless sex and promiscuity
  4. Self medication, booze, drugs etc
  5. Self harm
  6. Manipulation of loved ones to get emotional comfort, including lies.
  7. Obsessive behaviour to people
  8. OCD

We learn that if people indulge these behaviours that we can repeat them with no consequences …. Leads me on to another thing that can effect BPD:

Lack of boundaries. Either through an absent parent, unwell parent or just very independent a lack of rules or being disciplined makes us likely to exhibit more behaviours others may not do. 

I find if I get set boundaries I actually do reign myself in and be more stable.

Those that don’t I walk all over. 

Learning to change behaviour to avoid abuse/stress or gain good feelings.- being a social or defensive chameleon can make us lose our own sense of identity. 

I’m sure there is lots more but that’s all I can think of for now, 

In summery i think it’s nature we get BPD and nurture effects to what effect and how severe we get it. 

Narcacist or Borderline?

I’d give all the wealth that years have piled, the slow result of life’s decay, to be once more a little child for one bright sunshine day.

Both nacarcistic and borderline are cluster B personality disorders along with sociopaths ( psychopaths) and anti social personality disorder. ( also can include historinic but this tends to co-morbid)  Cor- no wonder we get so much stigma!!!

Cluster B is known as the dramatic, emotional and erratic cluster of personality disorders. Well, I have been known to enjoy a good drama! But I think every human can display these traits.  I blame my nan, she was always super dramatic 😉

They share in common “erratic, dramatic and emotional behaviours”

According to stats ( but who knows how reliable they are as most narcissists are not self aware) 25% of people will have both.

I disagree with this figure tho I agree there are a few similarities, but surely even mentally healthy people have narcisstic traits from time to time. 

And narcissists are so unlikely to seek help I think it’s pigs swill lol 

These are the reasons a site says BPD is like Npd. And my own arguments against them 😉 

Lack of concern of how behaviour effects other. ……. Really? Are they sure? Yes maybe the emotional impulses will briefly take over or pschosis which leads to people getting hurt in the process, but normally we do care. Care too much about people pleasing and being calm and happy. 

A tendency to believe the world revolves around them- that’s why BPD has a high rate of suicide, low self esteem and depression then? And isolating ourselves from people. Hardly trust anyone so ain’t exactly round many people. I for one, know the world doesn’t revolve around me. 

A fear of abandonment – ok that ones true. But for different reasons than a narc.

A need for constant attention- true BUT only off guys.Not any guys but off a boyfriend which is usually too overwhelming for one guy so I find multiple sources. Or I used to. I’m working on it in therapy!

Constant struggle with work, families and social relationships – I think this depends on how stable you are, and other areas of your personality.  When I’m depressed or in psychosis of course these areas will suffer.

Over emotional, dramatic behaviours- yup ok. But again for different reasons than npd. 

Maybe that’s why BPD gets a bad rap, the traits and reasons behind traits being like Npd. ( to the unknowing eye)

In fact, some websites are so biased against BPD I think they assume none of us can tie our own shoelaces without going into meltdown.

 The borderline and narcissist live in their own self centred universe with little or no concern about how their behaviour effects others

From a enlightened website lol 

Borderline and narcissts both have arrested development. BPD has an estimated age of three. Npd about 6

Wait a minute – what? They saying we stop emotional development at age 3???? What the hell?

No I’m not making it up the site is here ; 

Stupid website link HERE

This is why there is so much bias, wrong knowledge and stigma re personality disorders.

Readers of sites either expect to see us with horns, tail and manically laughing at other people’s suffering, or emotionally undelevoped and still in nappies! 

Borderline vs Narcisst in love

He was part of my dream, as much as I was part of his dream – alice 

Im gonna refer to the Borderline as she and narcissit as he. Just to make things easier.

I have had first hand experiences with male narcissist. One of my exes was one, one other was extremely controlling in a victim like way.

A narcissit is an entirely different creature to us, and far harder to spot than a typically abusive controller.

The red flags are different which is what made me walk straight into the clutches of one. 

Narcissists are attracted to borderlines and vulnerable individuals, I think it’s our huge amounts of emotions and willingness and desperatness to love and not be alone.

We fill up the emptiness inside them and believe their bullshit because we want to. We make a great Narc “source”

I’m not gonna go into full detail on everything, there’s tons info out there, we just got to have our eyes open.  This is based on my experiences.

There are obviousky high and low functioning narcissists.

  • They have far less, if any empathy, they have a hard or impossible time understanding emotions and how people feel. Do they express concern for others or say ” they must feel ( enter emotion )
  • Lack of guilt, responsibility. Listen next they are telling you things. Are they never to blame? Are their exes all evil bitches? Does every boss they have pick on them? Do they brush off their misdeeds to put onto you?
  • Gaslighting a form of mental abuse that makes us question our reality. Our illness can increase short term memory loss and paranoia. This means we are sitting ducks for this. “Oh you are just being paranoid again” this one is tricky as u may not realise. Write down facts vs emotions to see if it is paranoia
  • Love bombardment. We crave love. We lap up what they tell us. They tend to move very fast very quick eg saying they love us, moving In.  But in reality normal functioning relationships aren’t this rushed. It takes time to truly know and love someone.  
  • After they feel they have you, they lose interest. Stop pretending to listen. This is extremely cruel and confusing for a BPD girl. We may try harder or we may push away. As long as they feel they have us, and we are of use to them, they will stay in love bombardment. But this never lasts forever.
  • Dump you without reason and very quickly. Usually coming back a few times to check they can still have you 
  • Positive reinforcement. Praise you if you do something they like, say nothing if it’s something they don’t like. We are natural people pleasers 
  • Infanalization; they use words you would use to children “silly, confused, poo poo, wee wee, ” they take over tasks you are doing as you need help, or to relax. This effects our self belief, treat them like a parent and our reliance on them
  • May or may not slag off your family. They may need to isolate you, but depends on the type of narcisst they are
  • They don’t listen to you or your decisions
  • They make out everything they do is for you 
  • They don’t admit blame. Or if they do they are just pretending to keep you sweet
  • They mimic your emotions so you think they are normal 
  • They may have an inflated and unwarranted sense of entitlement and grandiose. They may value status and appearance very highly and want you to appear perfect to the world. Trophy on the arm. 
  • They look up only to people they want to be like eg really rich and popular. Anyone else always has major faults
  • They do not have insight usually. They do not know their personality and behaviour is malignant and unhealthy. They think they are right, anyone else is jealous . So can they be helped?? Not unless they gain insight and genuinely want to. So not very often.
  • A narc is a narc for life. You cannot change them. Ever.  A snake will always have the nature of a snake.
  • They will drain you like a vampire if left too long. Under their control.
  • The only way to win with a narc is to walk away and stay away. 

So watch out for red flags, research but don’t be too paranoid, I find it hard with “normal” guys as their behaviour is really alien to me. I’m forever thinking they are the devil incarnate deep down. 

It causes a lot of anxiety 

But ultimately, a borderline is stronger than a narcissit. We come out, scarred battered and bruised, but we are fighters and survivors.

We have felt heartbreak many times and know it passes. We can turn off. Emotions and carry on like the terminator.

The narcissit will always be bitter, jealous and resentful of exes and people who have wronged him, keeping him unhappy and in the past.  He willalways be searching for his  next supply … Which never lasts them long.  And be resentful of us, the one that got away, long long after we have moved on and forgotten him.

There is a brilliant article here: 


Letting go of Resentments

My dear, we must run as fast as we can to stay in place. If we want to go anywhere we need to run twice as fast

This is a hugely important step of recovery to become more stable.

We need to live in the here and now, not the past. But the past needs dealing with to be happy in the here and now. 

Hatred of a person who has hurt us, abused us or caused negative events is a strong emotion, and takes up so much time and energy, it’s also very negative and prevents being able to move on. 

We can also resent ourselves and beat ourselves up, even over things caused by others or mistakes we have made.

In some ways it is harder to forgive ourselves then others, especially as we internalise things. 

So how do we do this? Emotions are hard to leave behind. 

Personally, I could let go of people who had wronged me as I believe karma will get them somewhere down the line, and to forget them is to be free. Also life lessons can be useful to avoid the same traps in future.

Forgiving myself was and is still harder. I blamed myself for everything, partly due to always having to be the responsible one from an early age and not having anyone to talk to, partly because narcisstic and controlling men convinced me it was my fault.

Also some things were my fault. I messed up, I forgot, I was selfish, I got my priorities wrong. 

But most importantly… Which I often forgot..

I was human.

I look at my positive points, I accept and try to believe compliments now, I am trying to learn to love myself.

Things that can help get over resentment;

Medication: depression can distort our thinking, we need to be out of that fog to think clearly

CBT to evaluate our negative thoughts about ourselves and are they true?

Accept we all make mistakes, other people make mistakes. It’s learning from them that’s important. 

Apologise if you have wronged others, if you can make Ammends, do. Than move on. 

Think well wishes against those who have wronged us… I know this may not be possible and sounds strange, but it’s part of addiction recovery program 12 steps:  by wishing our abusers well, peace and ability to change we are removing the negative emotions we feel and replacing with good. Try it! It may work 

Love yourself, praise yourself, be a bit selfish, ignore negative people, don’t care what they think. Be at peace. Things are done we can’t change them. Atone if we can but move on. 

See if others have manipulated you to feel this way

Therapy- and a good therapist can help you unravel your past and forgive yourself

Talking to someone. This can help you see things clearly.

Forget revenge. Forget rumour spreading, forget slagging them off to everyone. This won’t help you let go and you may regret it

This is still a work in progress with me.

I have mostly forgiven abusers now, but it’s myself I’m working on. I’m starting to get there but delving through the past will take time.

Advice they can shove!

Well I’ve never heard it before but it sounds uncommon nonsense

We have all had it. 

“Helpful” and well meaning advice on our illness that is just annoying, harmful and not true!!

I think this comes through lack of knowledge as a whole in the general population, the stigma of mental illness, close relatives in denial you have such a “shameful” thing and just pure arseholery. 

Give them all a week of catatonic deoression and panic attacks I say! They will soon change their tune

More worryingly, some of these were said to me by mental health professionals!!!!

Just do your breathing excersises

Have you tried meditation?

Have a hot milky drink

Have a hot bath

Go do some excersise and get fresh air

It’s all in your head

It’s probably just a virus

You haven’t got any reason to be depressed?

In my day, we just got on with things

It’s laziness

Your a hypochondriac

They like to label anything these days

You are fine

Just don’t think about it, it’s easy. 

Have you tried self help book/website

You need to sort yourself out

It’s not like you got cancer or anything

Those tablets won’t help you, they just placebos

You are just a drama queen 

And I’m sure there’s many more. 

Feel free to add your own pearls of wisdom you have been told 😉

By the way I do think some of those things are helpful ONCE you are more stable !!! Not before. They can help prevent relapses 

Eg excercise, mindfulness , doing things