He was part of my dream, as much as I was part of his dream – alice
Im gonna refer to the Borderline as she and narcissit as he. Just to make things easier.
I have had first hand experiences with male narcissist. One of my exes was one, one other was extremely controlling in a victim like way.
A narcissit is an entirely different creature to us, and far harder to spot than a typically abusive controller.
The red flags are different which is what made me walk straight into the clutches of one.
Narcissists are attracted to borderlines and vulnerable individuals, I think it’s our huge amounts of emotions and willingness and desperatness to love and not be alone.
We fill up the emptiness inside them and believe their bullshit because we want to. We make a great Narc “source”
I’m not gonna go into full detail on everything, there’s tons info out there, we just got to have our eyes open. This is based on my experiences.
There are obviousky high and low functioning narcissists.
- They have far less, if any empathy, they have a hard or impossible time understanding emotions and how people feel. Do they express concern for others or say ” they must feel ( enter emotion )
- Lack of guilt, responsibility. Listen next they are telling you things. Are they never to blame? Are their exes all evil bitches? Does every boss they have pick on them? Do they brush off their misdeeds to put onto you?
- Gaslighting a form of mental abuse that makes us question our reality. Our illness can increase short term memory loss and paranoia. This means we are sitting ducks for this. “Oh you are just being paranoid again” this one is tricky as u may not realise. Write down facts vs emotions to see if it is paranoia
- Love bombardment. We crave love. We lap up what they tell us. They tend to move very fast very quick eg saying they love us, moving In. But in reality normal functioning relationships aren’t this rushed. It takes time to truly know and love someone.
- After they feel they have you, they lose interest. Stop pretending to listen. This is extremely cruel and confusing for a BPD girl. We may try harder or we may push away. As long as they feel they have us, and we are of use to them, they will stay in love bombardment. But this never lasts forever.
- Dump you without reason and very quickly. Usually coming back a few times to check they can still have you
- Positive reinforcement. Praise you if you do something they like, say nothing if it’s something they don’t like. We are natural people pleasers
- Infanalization; they use words you would use to children “silly, confused, poo poo, wee wee, ” they take over tasks you are doing as you need help, or to relax. This effects our self belief, treat them like a parent and our reliance on them
- May or may not slag off your family. They may need to isolate you, but depends on the type of narcisst they are
- They don’t listen to you or your decisions
- They make out everything they do is for you
- They don’t admit blame. Or if they do they are just pretending to keep you sweet
- They mimic your emotions so you think they are normal
- They may have an inflated and unwarranted sense of entitlement and grandiose. They may value status and appearance very highly and want you to appear perfect to the world. Trophy on the arm.
- They look up only to people they want to be like eg really rich and popular. Anyone else always has major faults
- They do not have insight usually. They do not know their personality and behaviour is malignant and unhealthy. They think they are right, anyone else is jealous . So can they be helped?? Not unless they gain insight and genuinely want to. So not very often.
- A narc is a narc for life. You cannot change them. Ever. A snake will always have the nature of a snake.
- They will drain you like a vampire if left too long. Under their control.
- The only way to win with a narc is to walk away and stay away.
So watch out for red flags, research but don’t be too paranoid, I find it hard with “normal” guys as their behaviour is really alien to me. I’m forever thinking they are the devil incarnate deep down.
It causes a lot of anxiety
But ultimately, a borderline is stronger than a narcissit. We come out, scarred battered and bruised, but we are fighters and survivors.
We have felt heartbreak many times and know it passes. We can turn off. Emotions and carry on like the terminator.
The narcissit will always be bitter, jealous and resentful of exes and people who have wronged him, keeping him unhappy and in the past. He willalways be searching for his next supply … Which never lasts them long. And be resentful of us, the one that got away, long long after we have moved on and forgotten him.
There is a brilliant article here: