I know who I was this morning but I have changed several times since then- Alice
Our perception of reality and moods can change quickly, plus changing persinalities to please different people leads us into the question…. Who am I? What is my identity?
We question what we believe as paranoia can distort reality as can depression, mania, stress etc
Again, cbt teaches us to use facts if we are unsure. I write the facts against my “instincts” to see if it is really likely or if it’s paranoia
I find a lot of my paranoia has come from my past. I had two long term controlling relationships.
One with a nasty, sociopathic like guy for 9 years who was obviousky controlling. No one liked him.
He was abusive, beat me down until I hid all my emotions and was a shell.
Next was a guy I thought was totally different, he had none of the red flags the first one did.
But he was equally as damaging emotionally as he played the victim controller.
No violence or overt manipulation. Was all done as if it was real and my opinion of myself plummeted into hate, disgust and I was an evil bitch
This has left scars. Paranoia of men, getting into another controlling relationship. I think all men will do the same. I push away normal as I don’t get normal. What is it?
I pull as I desperately need love then I push so they can’t hurt me.
More on red flags on controlling men and women soon