Raising awareness BPD

There is a great amount and info and awareness by Make Borderline Stigma Free.  We all need to be working together on this!

Follow them on here BPD stigma free

Here’s some pics I like when I’m down to; 

Borderline Love

This is an area in which people with BPD struggle intensely. 

We usually have a train wreck of relationships, broken marriages, unsuitable, unavailable partners, and also more prone to being hooked in by controlling, narcissistic or dependent partners.  

Many factors ensure maximum chaos and destruction in a BPD relationship. 

*Out of control emotions

These can push people away when we become obsessively jealous, have fire fueled rages, deep depression, low self esteem, pschosis or overwhelming with all our love

*Push Pull

Adoration and devaluation when doubt creeps in our mind. From all consuming love to cold apathy in seconds. 

*Paranoia of abandonment  

Jealousy, excessive texts, calls, out of control emotions, psychosis, to the extreme of stalking, accusations etc

*To fill the emptiness inside

This is why we can be more prone to falling for other cluster B personality disorders, narcistics, controlling, manipulative people.

We need to feel wanted, huge amounts of love to stop the paranoia and emotiness. We tend to overlook all faults to maintain our “fairy tale love” fantasy.

The alternative seems too scary.

*Self harm, suicidal thoughts;

This is very very hard for us to deal with and we understand it ( kinda)

To people with no knowledge this is scary and can send people running or end up with a malignant or equally as “damaged” person. Either is no good for us. 

*Impulsiveness- sex

Sometimes we may or may not cheat. 

We may do things without thinking, reckless behaviour, live for the moment.

I will do another post on how to have a healthy relationship. It’s extra hard as many of us don’t know what normal is.  

In brief these things will help;



*having our own lives, activities to be happy in ourselves. 

*recognising red flags to bad relationships.

Weight gain on psychiatric Meds

We all know the joy of medication side effects. The most annoying one, I think, is weight gain.

You don’t even have to eat and you still pile on the stone!!!

This is a mixture of a slower metabolism and cravings for sugar/carbohydrates.

Some meds put you at risk of type 2 diabetics, obesity and several more unsavoury things. 

We shall start with Anti-psychotics. The well known Fatty pills. 

Other negative effects are shown here:

Now I have gained far more that the 10lb is states. 😳 so how do I go about shifting this.

I think it’s the old fashioned way; eating less / more healthy and excercising more nooooo

It’s not just the antipsychotics. Antidepressants and mood stabilisers can ALS0 put on the weight. 

Any diet tips welcomed, or easy excersises for lazy people like me, who can’t get out bed some days please comment. 

We need help!!! Lol

Also found a chart regarding anti depressent effectiveness survey along with side effects

On a lot of medications we need to get blood tests regularly. I’m going to book some soon. For; 

Liver/kidney function ( most meds cross both these)

Cholesterol, prolactin levels

ECG cos of venaflaxine. Let me know if I have missed any!! X

Free Boob Job – drug side effects

so after the size of my boobs has been steadily increasing I decided to do some research. I know I’ve put on weight! But not that much lol

I found some of our psch meds can have the rare side effect of increasing prolactin production. 

This is the hormone that increases during pregnancy to create breast milk and boob size. It can happen to men or women. 

Asking on my groups I found several women who said they had actually starting producing milk on it and leaking. 

The meds are usually anti psychotics. But research into my meds has shown me that my anti depressent venaflaxine and mood stabiliser lactimal can also have this rare side effect. 

So on all 3 meds no wonder they are growing!! Hope I don’t start producing milk tho lol

Differences with Bipolar +Borderline personality Disorder

These two severe mental illnesses have very similar symptons at first look, and can be hard to define between them.  

This can provide confusion at diagnosis and maybe effect recovery time.  A  chunk of people, even those with bipolar can be snobby about BPD, or the thought they may be disgnoses with BPD. 

This is down to ignorance on what this illness is really about. I get tired explaining and re-explaining it on mental health messege boards. 

Don’t slag off something or undervalue it because you know bugger all about it! Ignorance is not an excuse!! Lol ok

Bear in mind someone with either Illness is more likely to also have the other one!!! So symptons could be getting all mixed up anyway.

( these aren’t in every case of BP+BPD)

BPD and BP similarities 

  1. Same medical treatment. An antidepressant, mood stabiliser and anti psychotic can be used in both. Along with sedatives and sleepers. (Addictive addictive!!)
  2. Dramatic mood swings
  3. Extreme mania- pschosis, inpulsivity, sexual recklessness, reckless behaviour. 
  4. Paranoia, paranoid delusions. Hallucinations. Strange ideas and behaviour. Rage, anxiety, panic etc
  5. Severe depression, suicidal thoughts, suicide. 
  6. Self harm
  7. Self medicating /addictions
  8. Unstable sense of identity/self 
  9. Long periods of time in either mood extreme 


  1. Mood swings with BPD can also be caused by enotions and will be a lot faster swings than BP.
  2. BPD is nurture and nature pretty much in all cases, so a good therapy when stable can help in some areas too. 
  3. BPd has parts brain  that controls emotions and reactions and memories working wonky ( see nature/nature) blog 
  4. Hugely emotion led, out of control emotions with little or no regulation.  Inpulsivity and reckless behaviour is usually a reaction to emotional impulses and not a consious thought…. Leading to poor memory and danger. 
  5. Malignant behaviour ( without meaning too) on the quest to feel better emotionally. Can lead to very little regard for others; manipulation, playing games etc to get the emotion we are compelled to get. 
  6. Emptiness inside and unstable self image. Who am I??? Result of being a chameleon as defense for so many years. 
  7. Fear abondonment, lonliness, will either try everything to prevent it, or cut people out. 
  8. Super shit at relationships. Either choose and linger with harmful people or self sabotage any 

 Also – inpulsivity/behaviours /swings tend to occur all time in BPD as its part of our normal self. Sometimes with BP they may get a period of “normality” but for BPD all those things are our normality. 

Both illnesses can crossover as can personality traits, it’s the amount of signs that usually defines diagnosis. 

One of the clearest meant to be mood length. 

This is confused as severe depression can be co morbid with BPD so you can stay in that mood for a long long time ( my record was 6 months)

Which further confuses the issue of its BP or BPD or both!!

At the end of a day, a diagnosis in either one is fine as long as your symotons are being dealt with. 

BPD may tend to have more malignant behavioural issues which have been learnt, that’s why talking therapy ( not listening based counselling ) is another important factor for recovery once you are stable enough. 

Will go through more physiological stuff on another post x

Depression + sleeping beauty syndrome

I’m your hell, I’m your dream, I’m nothing inbetween….

This syndrome, where a sufferer sleeps up to 22 hours a day and is very child like when awake, does sound like my excessive sleeping when in a depressive mood. 

Though I ain’t no sleeping Beauty, I snore too much 😉

Been asleep or in bed last 4 days now. Need to get up and move! I’m going out today, first time in over 10 days, to shops.

Sad when social life consists of shops with mum!!!

The “exhaustion” ain’t so bad today, so I need try find my Va Va Voom. It’s lost!!!

Therapist tommorow, a bit anxious bout that like I always am eek xxx

Read an interesting article on bipolar blackouts, how we forgot memories and get blank spots, also on “tripolar”

Will write bout these later x

Hope everyone else doing good xxx

low mood today 

Today has not been great. Too much time on my own, in my own head.

Lack of energy and huge doses apathy left me in bed without enough energy to even make food. 

I recently increased my mood stabiliser dose lamotragine to 200 mg maybe it’s that,

Maybe is cos 99% of my friends are online.

Social interaction is minimal.

I miss working, having a purpose and actually enjoying being at home, but I worked too much, it became an obsession and left me no home life.

It’s taken a long time and I’m still trying to find “me” feel better And work out what to do in life. 

Anxiety kicked in earlier so I had to take my extra tablets, but now I’ve run out arghh not sure if GP will give us more. 

But moods pass, this will pass, I will find an a occupation im just not sure what yet.

Good Or Evil. BPD – Splitting

It would be so nice if something made sense for a change – Alice

Forgive me if not everything is entirely accurate, I am still learning. These blogs are just my own opinions and experiences. 

Borderlines have a fair few cognitive distortions ( see the post – mini CBT lesson)

But one notorious one for us is “black and white thinking”

This is where We see people as either being Good or bad. Events as good or bad.  Within that there is a process known as Splitting.

We can do this to seperate a person into two. Eg of a parent. 

One view of the parent will be fantasy style wonderful with no flaws, the other evil and dark. 

This is shown by imagery in many many many films.

The good guy, the bad guy. The good witch, the evil witch. The good queen the evil queen. 

There is never a guy who is ” mostly good but also a bit naughty sometimes “

Within romantic relationships we can switch from seeing the partner as good to evil.

When good, we idolise them, they are perfect and have no flaws. We don’t see any malignant behaviour.

Then when something happens to trigger our negative emotions they flick to the bad guy.  This is when we exhibit the push pull behaviour. Push away when bad, lose feelings, detest. The pull in again when good. Over and over. Very confusing!

We see every flaw magnified, imagine flawS, paranoia, they are the devil incarnate.

It’s hard to learn to get a middle ground. When someone makes a mistake  our perfect view of them is shattered and they become bad.

We apply it to ourselves as well. 

My feelings are either good or bad. Very seldom do I have middle feelings.

Obviously our own understanding of good and bad comes from our upbringing and life experiences. 

There’s also splicing &Projection but more on those later. 

Borderline – nature or nurture?

I can’t explain myself sir, I’m afraid. Because  I’m not myself you see – Alice

This is where I’m looking into whether borderline is something we are born with or it’s all due to childhood, environmental factors, abuse and events. 

Also in response to some sites that claim “BPD isn’t even an illness. We make it up for attention and are like kids lashing out using BPD as an excuse. ” sigh. Ok. 

For nature 

If you have a direct relative with a mental illness especially ; bipolar, BPD, schizophrenia, autism spectrum or depression you have a 17% -25% change of having any of those mental illnesses.  Now I think personally the percentage is a lot higher, but more on that in another post. 

Also Brain scans have been done on “normal people” people with BPD and other mental conditions. BPD has these differences;

  • Hippocampus tends to be smaller ( the same in PTSD)         This is located in the temporal lobe, the part that sorts out memory. The hippocampus helos control : inhibitions, space and memory.  I assume it means we have less of each as its smaller.
  • Amygdala; tends to be more active in BPD.     This part generates emotions, emotional learning and memories about emotions.  
  • Prefrontal cortex is less active. Especially when recalling memories such as abondanment, effects parts of personality, social behaviour, emotional expression and decision making. So I guess we ain’t as good at those lol
  • Hyperthalamic-pituirity adrenal Axis;  ( try saying that when drunk)  this part releases cortisol, which effects our response to stress. We have a hyperactive axis so release more cortisol which makes our responses far more extreme. 

Makes sense doesn’t it. We can’t regulate our enotions and feel extremes at inproportionate events. ( basically)

Also add in reduced serotonin etc for depression, our brains ain’t normal and need medication to help become more normal. Though I doubt ever be fully “normal”

We can’t help any of these things, our brains are wonky donkey, and results come out in all kinda ways.

For nurture 

There is a high level of childhood or later abuse within BPD sufferers neglect and such events while young actually causes part of the brain to develop wrong! Emotionally stunting us in that area.

Stress brings out the worse enotions, panic attacks anxitety, paranoia so stressful life events are going to effect us negatively for a longer time

Neglect, maladaptive parenting or growing up too young can all effect our emotional development and leave a longing to fulfil the sense of abondanment with whatever we perceive we missed.

Later life events like abusive relationships result in us learning toxic behaviours to escape from our emotions and people please to avoid the stress. This can stay with us and repeat itself over and over in other relationships or interactions.  

All these negative feelings lead us to keep feeling the negative emotions long after an event, and leave us acting impulsively to make us feel better.

Impulsiveness can be in many forms and we will do whatever we can to escape our emotions;

  1. Spending money/ excessive shopping /debt
  2. Strange business ideas/plans/groups 
  3. Reckless sex and promiscuity
  4. Self medication, booze, drugs etc
  5. Self harm
  6. Manipulation of loved ones to get emotional comfort, including lies.
  7. Obsessive behaviour to people
  8. OCD

We learn that if people indulge these behaviours that we can repeat them with no consequences …. Leads me on to another thing that can effect BPD:

Lack of boundaries. Either through an absent parent, unwell parent or just very independent a lack of rules or being disciplined makes us likely to exhibit more behaviours others may not do. 

I find if I get set boundaries I actually do reign myself in and be more stable.

Those that don’t I walk all over. 

Learning to change behaviour to avoid abuse/stress or gain good feelings.- being a social or defensive chameleon can make us lose our own sense of identity. 

I’m sure there is lots more but that’s all I can think of for now, 

In summery i think it’s nature we get BPD and nurture effects to what effect and how severe we get it. 

Narcacist or Borderline?

I’d give all the wealth that years have piled, the slow result of life’s decay, to be once more a little child for one bright sunshine day.

Both nacarcistic and borderline are cluster B personality disorders along with sociopaths ( psychopaths) and anti social personality disorder. ( also can include historinic but this tends to co-morbid)  Cor- no wonder we get so much stigma!!!

Cluster B is known as the dramatic, emotional and erratic cluster of personality disorders. Well, I have been known to enjoy a good drama! But I think every human can display these traits.  I blame my nan, she was always super dramatic 😉

They share in common “erratic, dramatic and emotional behaviours”

According to stats ( but who knows how reliable they are as most narcissists are not self aware) 25% of people will have both.

I disagree with this figure tho I agree there are a few similarities, but surely even mentally healthy people have narcisstic traits from time to time. 

And narcissists are so unlikely to seek help I think it’s pigs swill lol 

These are the reasons a site says BPD is like Npd. And my own arguments against them 😉 

Lack of concern of how behaviour effects other. ……. Really? Are they sure? Yes maybe the emotional impulses will briefly take over or pschosis which leads to people getting hurt in the process, but normally we do care. Care too much about people pleasing and being calm and happy. 

A tendency to believe the world revolves around them- that’s why BPD has a high rate of suicide, low self esteem and depression then? And isolating ourselves from people. Hardly trust anyone so ain’t exactly round many people. I for one, know the world doesn’t revolve around me. 

A fear of abandonment – ok that ones true. But for different reasons than a narc.

A need for constant attention- true BUT only off guys.Not any guys but off a boyfriend which is usually too overwhelming for one guy so I find multiple sources. Or I used to. I’m working on it in therapy!

Constant struggle with work, families and social relationships – I think this depends on how stable you are, and other areas of your personality.  When I’m depressed or in psychosis of course these areas will suffer.

Over emotional, dramatic behaviours- yup ok. But again for different reasons than npd. 

Maybe that’s why BPD gets a bad rap, the traits and reasons behind traits being like Npd. ( to the unknowing eye)

In fact, some websites are so biased against BPD I think they assume none of us can tie our own shoelaces without going into meltdown.

 The borderline and narcissist live in their own self centred universe with little or no concern about how their behaviour effects others

From a enlightened website lol 

Borderline and narcissts both have arrested development. BPD has an estimated age of three. Npd about 6

Wait a minute – what? They saying we stop emotional development at age 3???? What the hell?

No I’m not making it up the site is here ; 

Stupid website link HERE

This is why there is so much bias, wrong knowledge and stigma re personality disorders.

Readers of sites either expect to see us with horns, tail and manically laughing at other people’s suffering, or emotionally undelevoped and still in nappies!